The Squirrel Incident
by bigger infinities
Summary: /"Let's just say that it was a... prank gone wrong. And that Sirius' privates will never be the same again."/ Poor Sirius. Stupid squirrel. Do you even WANT to know what happens? Slight Lily/James. Rated T for cursing.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All of the rights go to J.K. Rowling._

_This one-shot is for _Project P.U.L.L. (Push Ur Limits and Learn)_ something that my friend, _Bookaholic711 (The Keyboard Ninja!)_came up with. If you haven't heard of it yet, go on and check out what it's about on her profile. (Her username is just Bookaholic711... _don't_ add on the keyboard ninja part! ^_^)_

_**Word count: **2,371**  
Prompt: **Squirrel**  
Pairing: **James and Lily**  
Summary: **/"Let's just say that it was a... prank gone wrong. And that Sirius' privates will never be the same again."/ Poor Sirius. Stupid squirrel. Do you even WANT to know what happens? Slight Lily/James._

* * *

Lily Evans sat outside, under the big willow tree, skimming through a book. The book was rather large and daunting, but Lily didn't seem to mind. After all, she wasn't the Hogwarts bookworm for nothing.

She kept murmuring under her breath now and again, and if one listened close enough, they could hear the muttered curses that were coming out her mouth, some even in different languages. Now, anyone who knew dear Lily would know that she never ever curses, except for when it comes to James Potter. Then, she has quite the potty mouth, but that's completely beside the point.

Now, the fact that Lily, Lily Evans, was cursing at a book, one of her most favored companions, could not bode well for anyone at Hogwarts. As Lily continued skimming through pages and muttering curses under her breath, she slowly slipped her wand out of her pocket. Anyone in a ten mile radius was able to see she was angry, so they all wisely ran back to the castle, preferring to keep all of their body parts intact.

Just as she was about to wave her wand and presumably utter a spell, a shout of, "Hey Evans!" Drifted across to her. She gripped her wand and closed her eyes, counting to ten very slowly, because only one person would be stupid enough to approach her when she was this mad.

"Potter," she ground out between her clenched teeth, still gripping her wand. Again, any person with a sense of self-preservation would have fled by now, but James Potter was never the smartest of blokes when it came to this sort of thing.

James plopped down beside her, still ignoring the fact that a very intelligent witch, very angry witch, was holding her wand. Lily finally deemed it safe to look at the ponce sitting next to her, certain she wouldn't try to kill him just yet. James peered curiously at the book that was currently resting in Lily's lap.

"What you have there, Evans?" Lily just closed the book and stood up, preparing to leave, looking a bit flustered.

"None of your business, Potter." She had turned an odd shade of pink, for someone who had just been furious a second ago, and was looking anywhere but James.

"Come on, Evans. I just want to know what you're reading! It's not like I asked you out on another date or anything," James said, trying to catch a glimpse of the title of the mysterious book. She stuffed the book out of sight, but James persisted.

"What're you so afraid of? It must be something awfully bad, then. Is little Lily Evans reading dirty things?" James smirked mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows.

Lily turned an even darker shade of pink which clashed horribly with her hair. James noticed and continued in a gleeful tone, "I'm right, then! I didn't think you'd have it in you, Evans!" Lily, who was getting redder and redder by the second, sat back down and shoved the book at James, almost throwing it at him.

When the book landed on his lap with a thud, he looked completely surprised and caught off guard. He read the title out loud, "Transfiguration For Beginners." James looked over at Lily, who was fiddling with a piece of grass, his look half way between amused and confused, and his face scrunched up in the oddest way.

"Lily?" he asked, his tone distinctly different from his previous mocking tone. "Why do you have this book?" She finally glanced over at him, and he was startled to find she was near tears. James' eyes widened almost comically, and he reached out to pat her shoulder awkwardly.

"I'm horrible at Transfiguration, alright?" she wailed, burying her face in her hands. Now, her words came out a little muffled. "I'm a Seventh Year and I can't even change a stupid button into a beetle!"

James was stricken. He looked around anxiously to see if there was anyone nearby, but everyone was safe in the castle, where they had run upon seeing a furious Lily with a wand in her hand. James decided to point out the obvious. "But Lily, you were the best in our class when we were First Years! You were the first to turn a beetle into a button!" But Lily was shaking her head violently by the time he was done.

"No, you've got it all wrong. You were the first one to do it. I never actually did it!" Tears had started to flow, and James anxiously wrapped his arms around the girl who was crying her heart out over the fact that she was perfect in every class but one. Some would think it comical, if anyone else had been there to witness it, but he knew how much it meant to her.

He rubbed awkward circles on her back, making comforting sounds. "Lily," he said firmly, trying to reassure her with words, "I was the second. After you'd transfigured it, McGonagall showed the whole class what it was supposed to look like. I remember."

Again, she was shaking her head before he finished. "No, you don't understand… the first time you cast the spell, it missed and hit mine. Remember? I was sitting right in front of you."

James was stunned. He did remember, and it shocked him to think that Lily… "Cheated? You cheated?" She nodded mutely, her face reddening even more. The tears had finally stopped and she realized she was nearly sitting on James' lap. She screeched and tumbled out of his arms, her face now just as red as her hair.

Suddenly, James got a twinkle in his eye and smiled. "Lily Evans cheated," he said, almost in wonder. "I am most definitely holding this over you for the rest of your life." His smile grew and he started laughing at the absurdness of the whole situation. He continued to laugh, mirth shinning in his eyes as he clutched his stomach. Lily watched him distaste in her eyes, her lips pressed into a thin line. Eventually her patience snapped and she started smacking him over the head. He didn't stop laughing, though, only covered his face with his hands, trying to prevent her from damaging his chiseled features too much.

Lily finally had the sense to pull her wand out and threaten him with a very nasty curse. James abruptly stopped laughing, though he couldn't stop a small smile from slipping out.

"It's not funny!" Lily growled at him, and it was then that he remembered how she had been crying just moments before. He looked at her sheepishly, looking properly embarrassed. Lily huffed and sat back, scrubbing furiously at the tear tracks on her cheeks. She was mumbling things like, "Knew I shouldn't have trusted him," or, "Of course he would bloody well laugh at my misery," and though James couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, he caught the gist of it.

"Lily," he said softly, gently removing her hands from her face and placing them in his own. She looked up at him, miserable, not meeting his eyes. She stared at his chin, stubbornly refusing to look at his eyes, because she knew she'd forgive him if she did. Already his calloused hands, which were rubbing circles on the back of her hands, were starting to make her heart melt and her resistance waver. She knew that with one look at his beautiful eyes she would cave and do whatever he wanted her to do.

She'd been having this problem, as of late. Every look, though friendly, and every touch, though unintentional, made her heart melt and her cheeks flame. She kept trying to deny the obvious, but she was beginning to become painfully aware of it, and she kept wondering if one of these days he would be able to hear her heart thundering in her chest, and realize that she actually fancied him.

But he didn't seem to notice her pulse quicken as he put a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. Little did she know, James' heart was beating just as fast, gazing into her beautiful green eyes. After a moment or so of being lost in each others eyes, James spoke up. "I could tutor you, you know. I wouldn't mind. I'm fairly good at Transfiguration, and I bet I could help you pick your grade up, yeah?"

Her eyes grew wide and she nodded excitedly, clasping her hands together. "Would you do that, James?" James was stunned for a moment. She had called him by his actual name. She seemed to notice this as well, because she covered her mouth with her hands as if she had uttered a particularly bad curse word. He decided to let it slide, though – she had gone through enough emotional distress today, and he figured that asking about her calling him by his first name would probably lead to another emotional mess.

He smiled and nodded, marveling at his luck. He would be tutoring Lily Evans – which meant he would be getting to spend even more time with her than he did, with Head Duties and all. He got up, pulling her up with him, a wide grin on his face.

"So, next Thursday, Evans?"

"Sounds good, Potter. Sounds good."

"What was the incantation again?" Lily asked, repeating the same words she'd been saying for the last hour. The Common Room had slowly emptied, and they were pretty much the only one's there, so Lily had been more straight-forward, and wasn't acting like she was committing a crime, like she had been when the Common Room was full. James sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had been having these tutoring sessions with her for quite a few months, but she just couldn't get this one spell down. She'd made immense progress (she nearly starting crying again when she was able to Transfigure a beetle into a button after their first session), but she'd hit a block and she couldn't get past it.

"Here," James suggested, moving the intended target towards himself, "I'll give you a demonstration." He took his wand, waved it in a complicated figure, and muttered a spell. The tea cup that was sitting on the table in front of them turned into a squirrel.

"See?" James asked, gesturing to the squirrel. Lily just sighed and stared forlornly at it, watching as it hopped around on the table.

"I'll never be able to do it," she mumbled, not even looking over at James. He began to grow frustrated, because she hadn't looked at him the whole session. They had actually bonded over the tutoring sessions, and they'd just gotten comfortable with each other when Lily started to act a bit strange. She wouldn't look at him, and she flinched whenever their skin made contact. James was wondering what in the world he had done wrong. It was really starting to fray his nerves, because just when Lily had started to warm up to him, it seemed like she cooled down for no reason.

"Lily, yes you will. You just -" Suddenly, the portrait hole swung open and the rest of the Marauders trooped in. James' breath came out in a hiss as he spotted Sirius, who was gesturing wildly with his hands while Peter laughed hysterically and Remus watched on with amusement in his eyes.

"What's wrong, James? Lily asked, finally looking at him. He scrambled for his wand, which he had dropped when he had spotted Sirius, while he explained quickly, "Sirius has a... problem, with squirrels." She looked at him quizzically for a moment before she handed him his wand, which had fallen at her feet. He took it quickly, waving the wand around crazily, but he couldn't remember the spell to get rid of the animal before Lily suddenly whispered, "He's coming this way!"

James watched in horror as his best mate slowly approached them; he was smiling, but that was only because he didn't have very good sight, and he hadn't seen the squirrel just yet. But the inevitable happened as Sirius stopped a few feet away, eyes locked on the furry animal hopping innocently on the table. Peter and Remus stopped too, just as frozen as everyone else, watching with fearful eyes as Sirius stared the squirrel down. The tension hanging over them was almost palpable as he and the squirrel were locked in what seemed to be a staring contest. After a few minutes of tense silence and no blinking whatsoever, the squirrel's tail tip twitched.

Everyone seemed to come back to life at once. Sirius lunged violently at the squirrel as Remus and Peter reached for their mate's shirt to try to keep him at bay. James waved his wand one last time in a futile attempt at banishing the squirrel, while Lily watched with wide eyes. The squirrel jumped into action too, leaping off the table and over Sirius' back, scampering away.

With a roar of indignation, Sirius crashed after it, toppling tables and armchairs on the way. For a half an hour this went on, papers flying everywhere, and everyone red-faced from trying to catch Sirius. Finally, Lily had the sense to Stun the poor fellow, and the squirrel disappeared from sight.

"What," Lily panted, pinning James to the spot with her glare, "in bloody hell was that, James Potter?' James grinned sheepishly, casting a side-long glance at Remus and Peter, who were on the floor, wheezing.

"Let's just say that it was a... prank gone wrong. And that Sirius' privates will never be the same again."

Lily never asked about the squirrel incident again.

* * *

_A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed! This one was particularly fun to write, just because the whole reason I was writing it was just absurd. Seriously, I have no idea how I came up with that prompt. I know Bookaholic711 laughed at it quite a bit, so I hope you guys enjoyed it, as well. Special thanks _to_ Bookaholic711, who, without starting _Project P.U.L.L. _would have never pushed me towards thinking up this crazy idea and writing it. So, thanks. ^_^ It was really fun, and hopefully everyone will tune in next Friday for the third Fiction Friday! _

~Icelyn


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